I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
