THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
