Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
