I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
