Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
