I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
