guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
