The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
