thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
