"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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