Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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