I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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