i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
