I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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