He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
