worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
