haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
