I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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