i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
