Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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