My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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