i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
