I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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