kristin has been a bad kristin
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize