I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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