If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
