woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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