I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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