what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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