I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
