my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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