My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm both gender and math confused
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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