That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
