alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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