you would pick up someone in the library
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
