bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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