yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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