You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
