I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
