no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
