every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
