I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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