I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she peed on how many people?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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