operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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