You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
