Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize