I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
