He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize