4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
