She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
