I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
