Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
