We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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