I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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