I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
