I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
