I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize