I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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