I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize