I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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