I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
