Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
