i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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