Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize