You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
