I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
