Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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