apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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