What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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