...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
