Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize