Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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