I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
