half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize