lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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