just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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