Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
