I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
