Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
