I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
