I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
