I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All the doctor said was why
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
